Dream Review of Scream If You Wanna Go Faster: 2013 Finalist for Best Indie Book
September 13, 2013
It’s that time of the year again when The New Kindle Book Review is running its Best Indie Books of the Year awards. Top five finalists for the 2013 awards in various genres were announced September 1, 2013. In keeping with our tradition established last year in the first year of the awards, we have asked each of the finalists who care to participate to provide us two pieces: a dream interview and a dream review. Although the dream interviews will appear under my byline, the posts are the work of the finalist authors. We hope you enjoy them and use them as an introduction to the works of these fine writers. Scream If You Wanna Go Faster is a Top 5 finalist for Short Fiction.
Wade Beauchamp’s Dream Review
of Scream If You Wanna Go Faster.
Is your life filled with fast cars, whirlwind romances and police chases? How about surface-to-air missiles, midnight rendezvous and electromagnetic pulse cannons? No? Well, Hoss, it’s your lucky day because Wade Beauchamp has written a book with all of those things and then some. “Scream If You Wanna Go Faster” is a collection of seven interconnected short stories that stimulate all chakras with its panoply of beautiful losers, screeching guitars and squalling tires. This book took years and millions of tax dollars to develop, but rest assured, you will not be disappointed at how your payroll deduction was spent. To wit:
On April 29, 1959, Ford Motor Company’s 50 millionth car rolled off the assembly line. It was a Galaxie 500 4-door sedan. The car travelled coast to coast, taking part in transcontinental races, various promotional appearances and was eventually donated to the Henry Ford Museum. Four years later, Ford built its 60 millionth car. A 1963½ Galaxie 500 XL Sport Roof, Rangoon red, 390, 4-speed transmission. There was no fanfare, no VIPs. No one even noticed. Except the characters in “Scream If You Wanna Go Faster.” Heroes and cowards, girlfriends and wives (ex and otherwise), a B-52 tailgunner, a preacher’s daughter, and an existentialist possum are just a few of our fellow travelers in these tales from the road. They do battle with busted radiator hoses, 8-tracks and bra clasps in the back seat. They race against the clock, travel through time and skin a few knuckles. They break the speed limit, break down and break hearts.
Make no mistake, though, this book isn’t about a car. Sure, the car is in every story. You’ve got a car in a few of your best stories, too. And just like those stories, these tales are about what it means to be alive, or to die, or to fall in love, or to want something so bad it aches.
I had read all the 5-star reviews. “A wild ride of a book.” “Moving at times, hilarious at others.” “Beauchamp is a masterful storyteller.” But still I was woefully unprepared for the face-melting awesomeness of “Scream”. Let’s look at the numbers:
79: the years these stories span, from 1963 to 2042.
59,999,999: the cars Ford built before it made the one in the this book.
141,970: the miles its original owner put on it before giving it to his son.
330: the advertised horsepower of a 1963½ Galaxie 500 with a Z-code 390-cubic inch engine.
100: the miles per hour it takes to outrun a cop on Slaters Bridge Road.
10,998: the nautical miles above the Earth where the Galaxie’s heat and emissions signatures are spectrally analyzed by a police satellite in geosynchronous orbit.
10:13: the verse in 1 Corinthians that gets recited in an effort to thwart an attempted backseat bra-unfastening.
36D: the size of said bra.
50: the miles to the beach when the Galaxie breaks down.
19: the feet a possum must travel in order to get to the other side of the road.
If you read only one book this year about internal combustion, coronal mass ejections, illegal undergarments, the air war in Vietnam, Aqua Net hairspray, what Heaven is like, adaptive optical camouflage, and true love, make it this one.
“Scream If You Wanna Go Faster” is like the car at its heart. They’re both time machines. Out there, through the windshield, that’s the future. Back there, in your rearview mirror, is the past. Right here, right now, this is the present. She’s got a fresh coat of twang and a full tank of lust. Wanna go for a ride?