Making the Writing Tighter, the Pace Faster.

She didn't FEEL alone. She WAS alone.
She didn’t FEEL alone. She WAS alone.

Do you tell the readers that your PoV character feels, thinks, wonders, ponders, realizes, considers, understands or is aware of something? You don’t need to.

If the point of view is established, you can state the thoughts and feelings without saying that that the PoV thought and felt them. This will make your writing tighter and the pace faster.

Here are some examples, showing sentences before and after the slimming diet:

OBESE

She realised that she was trapped.

SLIM

She was trapped.

OBESE

He understood that Simon was a traitor.

SLIM

Simon was a traitor.

OBESE

He felt a chill run through him.

SLIM

A chill ran through him.

OBESE

She grew aware of a feeling of sadness sweeping through her.

SLIM

Sadness swept through her.

OBESE

She wondered if she would ever get out.

SLIM

Would she ever get out out?

OBESE

She pondered the situation. How could she free herself?

SLIM

How could she free herself?

OBESE

Thinking to herself in her mind, she pondered the situation she was in, wondering how she could possibly get out.

SLIM

How could she get out?

The words wonder, ponder, think, feel, realise (British English), realize (American), consider, be/become/grow, understand,  aware, etc., are not just unnecessary and pace-slowing. They also create a barrier between the reader and the story. They remind the reader that it’s the heroine who experiences the adventure, not the reader.

Sometimes, these words can be useful for signalling a point-of-view change. For example, if chapter 1 is in the heroine’s PoV and chapter 2 in the hero’s, it’s useful to have the phrase  ‘he thought/realised/wondered/considered’ in the first sentence of chapter 2. It helps the reader.

Once the PoV is established, there’s no excuse: kill the wonderings and ponderings.

17210315

Please click the book cover image to read more about author, editor Rayne Hall and her books.

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Posts

Join our mailing list & RECEIVE

a free Ebook Download

Chasing Love 

Join our mailing list & RECEIVE

a free Ebook Download

Chasing Love 

Join our mailing list & RECEIVE

a free Ebook Download

Chasing Love