Ten reasons why golf should be banned


Anyone who has ever tried to strike a small ball with a long stick should feel free to amplify this list.

1.  The devil created it. I haven’t researched the history of golf’s origin.  Some things are just self-evident.

2. Republicans created it so fat cats could show off their fancy golf clothes at the country club.

3.  Democrats created it so that even the lowliest commoner would have a source of eternal consternation.

4.  The only known use for a one iron is to self-inflict a frontal lobotomy.

5.  It is a mental game.  We already have enough mental patients.

golf 2

6.  It is dangerous.  I once was struck in the neck by a golf ball while I was standing behind a guy, and he shanked his drive into a concrete hole marker and it ricocheted at my throat.  The other golfers in my group thought that was funny.

7.  Professional golfers are aliens.  i have watched some of them play what they call golf.  If they were really playing golf, they would hit the ball sideways.

8. It is more boring to watch than baseball.

9. It is too much like life.  I already have 700,000 Indie writers to critique my efforts.  Why would I pay for the privilege of inviting more abuse?

10.  It is played outside.  The location makes it almost impossible to blog while golfing.  Also the beauty of the surroundings belies the sinister nature of the pursuit.

Please add anything I may have omitted.

I have to stop now or I will be late for my tee time.

(Stephen Woodfin is an attorney, author and bad golfer.)

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  • David L Atkinson

    Brilliant Stephen – I couldn’t agree more!

    • David, it is a cruel game, sinister. If you play poorly you feel dejected. If you have a rare good game, you wonder why you can’t play like that all the time. And if you hit one great shot, you are hooked for ten more years of pain.

  • I always heard that the secret of playing golf was to strike the little ball before you hit the big ball.

  • Bert Carson

    Since golf is probably here to stay, maybe an effective solution would be the banishment of the words “play” and “game” from use in the same sentence, paragraph, story, or novel as the word “golf”.

  • I love cow pasture pool. I used to play until I was banned from all the local courses for cheating and laughing at players who didn’t.

    • Jack, from the activities you have described it sounds like you would fit right in with the group with which I play. The rules of golf are highly overrated. I view them as aspirational at best.

  • I can’t remember who said it, but he referred to golf as the ruination of an otherwise great walk. I put golf in the same category as bridge – yet another activity that spawns fighting, shatters friendships, threatens marriages and for what?

    • That’s an easy one, Christina. For me it is four or five hours when I don’t have to think about blogging or KDP.

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