Ten reasons why golf should be banned
February 19, 2013
Anyone who has ever tried to strike a small ball with a long stick should feel free to amplify this list.
1. The devil created it. I haven’t researched the history of golf’s origin. Some things are just self-evident.
2. Republicans created it so fat cats could show off their fancy golf clothes at the country club.
3. Democrats created it so that even the lowliest commoner would have a source of eternal consternation.
4. The only known use for a one iron is to self-inflict a frontal lobotomy.
5. It is a mental game. We already have enough mental patients.
6. It is dangerous. I once was struck in the neck by a golf ball while I was standing behind a guy, and he shanked his drive into a concrete hole marker and it ricocheted at my throat. The other golfers in my group thought that was funny.
7. Professional golfers are aliens. i have watched some of them play what they call golf. If they were really playing golf, they would hit the ball sideways.
8. It is more boring to watch than baseball.
9. It is too much like life. I already have 700,000 Indie writers to critique my efforts. Why would I pay for the privilege of inviting more abuse?
10. It is played outside. The location makes it almost impossible to blog while golfing. Also the beauty of the surroundings belies the sinister nature of the pursuit.
Please add anything I may have omitted.
I have to stop now or I will be late for my tee time.
(Stephen Woodfin is an attorney, author and bad golfer.)